My dream as a child was always to get married and have children. I didn’t really want a career or to be in the ministry or much else except to have 3 or 4 children to raise and a husband to love. I pictured idealist scenes of dinner on the table, stair step children sitting around it, and a handsome man at the head. I day-dreamed about reading story books together, well-dressed children going to Sunday School, and siblings who played tag and hide-and-go-seek together on warm summer evenings …
The reality of life is that I don’t always get a decent dinner on the table, my children are more staggered than stair-step, and I’m fortunate if we all get to church on time in something that has at least been ironed! I did get that handsome husband though!! 😉
After being married for about 2 years, having a baby began to consume my life and thoughts as soon as my husband said that he was ready for us to try to start a family! We knew I might have medical issues that might hinder me from getting pregnant, but I held on to hope and faith that the God who knew the desires of my heart could perform a miracle. After a few more years, our miracle came in the form of medical intervention … it’s a long story and it was a long journey – but we did finally get my heart’s desire in Andrew who was born after we’d been married almost 6 years. With the advice and help of a reproductive endocrinologist, Anna followed 2 years and 2 months later.
We knew we’d been blessed beyond what we deserved or expected … but couldn’t help want MORE of this wonderful thing called CHILDREN! 🙂 Following a more “natural” approach of getting healthy through diet and exercise, I did surprisingly get pregnant one more time in early September 2002. I actually had no idea until October 14 … and on October 17, 2002, we lost our already-loved baby to a miscarriage.
It was another long journey and exercise in faith and acceptance of God’s will, I finally gave up on having that last, 3rd child here on earth a few years ago. As God is apt to do, He completely took us by surprise in May of 2009 when I found out I was yet again pregnant!! Miriam was born that December, and she has been such a healing balm in my life – and for the first time ever, I feel my family is complete. And yet Miriam did not replace the baby we lost in 2002.
As Christians, we have the hope that we will see these miscarried and stillborn babies again in heaven! I have since been involved in support groups for married, Christian woman dealing with infertility … and have heard so many stories of families who have lost children in the saddest of circumstances, and I have several friends who have never been able to have a biological child at all. I have a such a big place in my heart for these women and families. And yet, God is good … He knows why I get to have 3 children, and some aren’t able to have even one.
Each year, I like to take time to acknowledge Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day on October 15, especially since it is so close to the anniversary of the day I lost my baby.
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