The Fullness of Emptiness (!?)

I still feel a little empty these days … some how my life is “off”, and I just don’t feel real normal (although I guess it all depends on how you define normal).  I’ve been kind of avoiding people and my blog … but my blog is after all a journal of my life, empty or full:

As I was contemplating a blog post at 4 a.m. this morning (Hello, Insomnia), I was thinking that I’d just put out an invitation to join my pity party:

I don’t have a car right now … my 2 year old killed it.  Ironically, last June, we only had one car as the transmission went out in one of them – in a whole ‘nother state.  I’m not sure if it is easier to have a dead car that is 240 miles away that you can’t see or one that sits in the driveway uselessly as a daily reminder?!  I would have to say NEITHER is any good. 

My husband doesn’t have a job … and it is by our own choice because he knew his time of usefulness was over at his current job, where they are benevolently letting him hang around throughout the summer, if need be.  He had an interview in mid-May I was really excited about … but we haven’t heard anything back – not even a standard-issue rejection email.  We are now moving on to explore other options.

A lot of things seem to be breaking around here:
our laptop’s power source is (again) wobbly at best; when you use it, you have to sit reallllly still or else the connection breaks and *POOF* black screen. 
My dust-buster broke (I bought a replacement even though I couldn’t “afford” it because I am cleaning baseboards and crevices and stairs right now – and I need/want a hand-held vacuum for the job) …
and my kids have broken not one, not two, but THREE chairs recently (granted one was a little plastic kids chair – but the other 2 were a desk chair and a very useful folding chair I liked to have around for extra seating). 
My daughter’s 3 ring, blow-up pool only has 2 rings of air left.
The back fell off my flip phone – and is lost forever – thankfully, the phone itself still works even with its guts exposed. 
Even the crickets that we had a big old jar full of to feed the bearded dragon we are pet-sitting have all died …
And on it goes. 
So, grab a party hat of doom and some black balloons and sing a dirge with me:  “Gloom, despair, and agony on me … deep, dark depression – excessive misery!  If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.  Gloom, despair and agony on me.”

Then this Bible verse comes to mind:

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed …
Because despite all of the above mentioned inconveniences in my life right now, I am NOT crushed, I am not in despair, I am not forsaken, and I am not destroyed. 
In fact, lately, I’ve been focusing on counting my blessings!! 
And I have so many …
no one in my immediate family has a debilitating illness or cancer right now –
my marriage is secure and happy –
my kids are home with me daily, a reminder of God’s goodness to me because I once thought I’d never have one child, let alone 3;
we have ONE vehicle that while it is old and ugly runs flawlessly (thanks to the new transmission put in last summer in Oklahoma!);
and my husband’s future employment is being directed behind the scenes by God Himself. 
We live in a America where even the poorest people have options to get food and clothing – and probably live far better than the 1/3 of the world who live in true poverty and depravity and without much hope. 
And I have HOPE every day … because someone introduced me to Jesus over 30 years ago!  And since that summer – in June of 1979 – I believed and accepted Him into my heart and life.   And He has never failed me yet.  His timing hasn’t always been my timing – but His timing has always been better.  He hasn’t entrusted me with great riches, but He has provided my every NEED – plus a whole lotta extra blessings along the way!  He hasn’t always allowed me to be comfortable, but He has built my character.  And so, my future is looking so bright, I better find my shades (because somewhere along the way, I’ve misplaced them). 

(1) My hope is in the Lord
who gave Himself for me
And paid the price of all my sin at Calvary.
(2) No merit of my own
His anger to suppress
My only hope is found in Jesus’ righteousness.
(3) And now for me He stands
before the Father’s throne;
He shows His wounded hands and names me as his own.
(4) His grace has planned it all,
’tis mine but to believe
And recognize His work of love and Christ receive.
For me He died, For me He lives
And everlasting life and light He freely gives!

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5 Responses to The Fullness of Emptiness (!?)

  1. Gee, Connie, I won't join your pity party right now. Because I had one a few months back! But you are so right to keep your eyes on our Heavenly Father. He is our Provider. May His Holy Spirit comfort you and give you guidance.Bless you,Susie

  2. Oh, Conny, I was up at 4 this morning, too. We could've chatted! Well, maybe not. I wasn't *happy* about being up at 4 AM. You've got a lot on your plate right now, so it's perfectly normal to retreat within yourself a bit, and not want to mull over it on the blog. I'm glad you did, though, because your optimism, and your faith, really picked me up. Those verses from 2 Corinthians were exactly what I needed to read today.Thank you.

  3. Sending you love xxx

  4. Michelle G says:

    You're so good :)I've been feeling a bit lost and out of sorts too lately. I completely could relate to the first half of your blog! Then on the second half you gently reminded me where my focus needs to be. I need to remember that it's not all about me. Some days that's not super easy 🙂 Blessings to you and your family! Keepin you in my prayers!Michelle

  5. Bless your heart, you have had a hard time here lately. But you are right–you do have so much to be thankful for. I will be praying for a brighter future ahead for you!

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