Wow, so sorry to the few of you who still hang with me on this blog … I still get a little sad that I lost my old blog with over 100 followers – but I realize this isn’t about “followers” (aside from not getting too many offers for reviews/give-aways any more), and it is more about just “sharing” and remembering.
Sadly, this is my lousiest, least consistent year of “30 days of Thanks” in the 4 years I have been doing this. The first year – 2009 – we were expecting our little tag-along blessing, and I was ecstatic – I was back at home after working full-time and part-time for about 6 years – and I was loving life!
The next year – 2010 – we were so enamored in our little girl … and in our family … and in life. It was going well – school for the kids, job for hubby, me and baby at home.
Then in 2011, it was the beginning of one of the tougher times in our lives. We pretty much already knew my husband would have to be resigning his job soon, even though we were still in the “let’s give this one last chance” phase. I know I’ve reitterated this story over and over – but it has been such a huge life changer … and an emotional journey … and most of all, just a spiritual struggle, not so much in trusting God but in wondering what in the world He wanted from us.
I’ve really tried – and the things I say about being thankful and about trusting Him are honest and true. I think I’ve just hit a weary time in this 18+ month journey. Dan’s accident was over 7 weeks ago now, and it is just tedious. Even though he does get better every day (thank you, Lord), it is still a long road to recovery – and even to just walking with a weight-bearing foot. The job search – which was supposed to be a pretty smooth transition – has turned into an emotional rollercoaster of applications, interviews, waiting, waiting, waiting, and more waiting. I know in the long run it will all be for our good; it will eventually all work out – but after basically 4 months of unemployment, I’m just ready for it to be over.
Of course, God has provided – and it has been AMAZING. We’ve come through this with so much love and friendship showered on us … so much kindness and so many things to be truly thankful for. But honestly, I am ready to be independent again – although believe me, God has definitely shown me how dependent I am on HIM for everything.
And so, tonight I’m just tired. Weary. Kind of blah. The delights in the every day are waning a little, and I’m just getting discouraged at having to do everything while Dan is recooperating. I really try to serve him and our children with graciousness … because it isn’t their faults and it IS, afterall, my job to take care of everyone as “the mom”. But I’m just ready to run away and hide – maybe just for a day or two!!?
Perhaps I have a touch of the pre-holiday blues. Our Thanksgiving plans aren’t really that exciting this year. Actually, it will be somewhat of an inconvenience this year with Dan’s injury because we won’t be as comfortably set up at his parents’ house as we are here at home. While I know Dan’s mom will do everything in her power to make us comfortable and happy, there’s just no place like home. And with Dan being injured and not able to walk about much, I’ve lost my getting-out partner for those nightly escapes from the in-laws that he provided when I was going a little stir-crazy at their house!
BUT as I try to do, I want to remember that good things … there are SO many. My kids have grandparents – and that is worth a lot. All they know are the good memories of being at their house – they don’t have to worry about packing more than just clean underwear and a toothbrush. They can always find something to do – and while they help some, they are far more carefree than I am, worrying if MiMi is annoying grandpa or getting into something she shouldn’t while there or wondering if I shouldn’t be doing some dishes or helping in the kitchen.
We also won’t have internet access while there – and perhaps that is good!! I don’t want to share this funk any more than I need to!! 🙂 Please don’t give up on me – I promise I am not disgruntled nor eternally depressed. It’s just a stage … God and I will work it out. In fact, it’s not even God; it’s just me.
That said, I’m thankful for my little blog … my outlet for writing and sharing … hopefully with people who will sympathize a little and not condemn my times of weariness, who will pray and encourage instead of cast stones and judge. Thank you for being that, my friends who do read my blog!