I’m Sorry …

people149Tonight, I had to sit my kids down (well, my 2 big kids) and tell them I’m sorry … Today I wasn’t the mother I should have been – I was angry and mean; I told them I “give up” – and I said some more things I should not have said.  I know I hurt some feelings, and for a while, I didn’t care.

It was a teaching moment that I could tell them that I while I wasn’t what I should have been today, we need to really pull together – not apart – while Daniel is working out of state for the next few months.

I can’t do it all on my own.  That’s my biggest issue right now.  My big kids are 12 and 14 years old, and they can be a big help, if we work together!  I had to admit to them that I needed them to step it up.  While I’d love it if I could just allow them to have a happy, care-free, fun-only life (well, not really!), I need them to step it up a notch right now.  And that’s on me to communicate what I need them to do – chores, school work, organizing their own things, and being responsible for getting ready for our activities or when we need to leave the house without me reminding them 100 times what they need to be doing.

Before I can work with my kids adequately, I need to take care of myself and my own attitude.  The things I need to work on the next few days are simple – and we all know what they are, but why is it so hard to DO THEM!?  Or at least, why is it so hard for me to do them??

1.  Read the Bible.  The days when I choose to get up and read my Bible with my morning coffee start off so much more peaceful.  When I pray, I am focused on the One who is my strength when my own strength is gone.  Sometimes I get on a good roll where I look forward to my daily “quiet time” … and then suddenly, an event or an extra early morning cause me to lose the focus and not do what I know I need to be doing consistently.

2.  Eat better.  With my husband not home during the week, we are not eating like we should.  Tonight we had cereal for dinner.  I am determined to eat at home most of the time due to finances and just thinking it is healthier – but if I’m not offering healthier food, then it is not helping – me or any of us.  I’ve noticed a huge decrease in my energy level these days.   I. am. tired. I also need to start taking my vitamins and supplements again.  I have a doctor appointment in a few week for a good checkup and also to check on my triglyceride levels … this in and of itself motivates me to EAT RIGHT before I face the doctor -and his dreaded scale.  I realize I need to make a menu plan – and stick to it!

3.  Accept that I can’t do it all.  It’s ok.  Accept that some days are just not going to be great- then ask for forgiveness when I behave badly and move on.  I think I still expect perfection from myself – and too often, I don’t live up to my own expectations.  God said He loved me when I was “yet a sinner” (Romans 5:8) … I did nothing to deserve His love; I didn’t have to clean myself up first or determine I’d be perfect before God could love me … He just loved me.  “Warts and all” (<–laughing as I type that… I actually don’t think I have any warts – I have freckles and a few scars and some really deep wrinkles though!).  While I realize God doesn’t love my sin, I too often forget He has much mercy, grace and long-suffering for me, remembering I am still flesh (Ps. 78:39).

I also read this article today by Jen Hatmaker that had some good concepts in it that very much apply to what I was dealing with today.  Perhaps there is something in it for you, too?  More grace.


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2 Responses to I’m Sorry …

  1. Single parenting is hard. My husband has been traveling a lot and will continue to do so for several months. We are facing a foot of snow here without Dad around and it’s hard to keep the attitude right! I completely agree with your points – devotions, healthy eating, realistic expectations. I add one more – adequate rest! I’ve been going to bed when the girls do – anytime between 8:30-9:30pm. When I do that, I naturally wake between 5:30-6am and have an hour or an hour and a half of quiet to start the day right, plus, I’m well rested. That helps my attitude.

    Being separated by miles, having to get ready for a sale/move – it’s hard. Praying for you!

  2. Hang in there! I remember a few times where my dad had to work out of state for a few months, leaving my mom at home with 6 kids under the age of 14 to deal with. It was tough on her, not just having to all of a sudden being, being for all practical purposes, a single mom, but dealing with the sadness of missing her husband too. Us kids missed our dad as much as she did though, and that sometimes made it more difficult for us to want to help. What kept us older kids going was when mom let her guard down a little and showed us how much she missed dad too, that she wasn’t angry with us or just in a bad mood, but that she really, honestly. missed dad and needed us to help keep it all together. Seeing how much she needed us, gave us older kids a sense of responsibility that really spurned us to help out, but to also grow up a little and put up with a little more from our younger siblings.

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