I already wrote and deleted a post that was an essay telling you why I hate October (it was titled “At the Corner of Sick and Sad”, a play on words of the motto of the organization I am doing my externship with currently!) …
Yeh, I know: October is the month of cooler temperatures, bonfires (right, Melanie?!), lovely leaves, and everything pumpkin flavored…But for me it is a month of memories that I would rather forget, even while being thankful for the lessons they taught me:
October 17, 2002, I miscarried our 3rd child … a date I mourned for many years until October 2009 when I was 6+ months pregnant with our bonus blessing baby who brought my heart so much healing.
October 5, 2012 was the fateful Friday that my husband fell 18 feet from a ladder and shattered his tib-fib bones in his left leg … an injury that could have been worse but came during a time of unemployment and uncertainty, that brought 2 extensive surgeries and some major medical bills. That story has somewhat of a happy ending … it was a time of great proving of our faith but also was – and still is – a time of miraculous provision (to the tune of $90,000 in medical bills being COMPLETELY forgiven by the University of Missouri Medical Center!!).
So, yes, many hard lessons have been learned in the month of October … and will continue to be learned. You see, October 2014 was our deadline for when I *had to* have a job – a paying job – or else. Or else we were out of resources, out of outs, so to speak … just plain old out of luck (if there is even such a thing!!??!!). Over the last 2+ years, we have been rebuilding our lives and my husband’s career, very slowly, very painfully. Day by day. He works hard – extra weekend shifts and 16 hour days some times just to make it. And that isn’t even really making it … it’s just survival. We’ve had good credit, and we’ve had help from other sources and sometimes from unknown sources!! But this October, it is all kind of gone – everyone’s sympathy for us has kind of run out … Dan’s had a job now for over 18 months – to include a small promotion … we live in a decent home again … we appear to be doing well. And we are. THANK YOU, Jesus!!! But we’re not out of the woods … and I need a job. By October.
And so, the last few days of September, I was praying for a minor miracle to provide a need we had due on October 1 … a need we didn’t know how we’d pay for (outside of asking for our parents for help, which we didn’t want to do!!). And as September 30 came to a close, I didn’t see that need met. I wasn’t really angry at God for not providing … our financial mess isn’t His doing really … other than leading us down a very strange path of stepping out in what we believed was faith … but the choices were all ours.
Today I woke up with still no hope in sight for our need. Thankfully, during my 6 hours at “work” today at my externship, I was put in a little room at a computer for training because the tears were coming at weird intervals, and I had a residual headache from the migraine I had all night … I came home to try to resolve our issues but met dead ends on the phone aside from the bank deferring the due date of our bill until after next payday. I chalked that up to our answer to prayer. God is good, He really is!!
Later this evening, I decided to tackle our bank statement reconciliation because sometimes we live within a very few dollars of our balance!! AND besides, reconciling bank statements is great fun, isn’t it??! I was also puzzled that our bank account seemed to have more money in it than I thought … and to my surprise: it does have more money in it than I thought!! My math was wrong in my check book register – and my mistake was over a couple HUNDRED dollars in OUR FAVOR!!! Which means, I can pay the bill I was worried about earlier today!!! So, there – how’s that for a small miracle. 🙂
And so, we go on day-by-day … dollar-by-dollar. The lessons learned from losses being replaced by joy and tragedy turned into comedy (thus seems the script of our life!!) continue to be remembered and useful. God is faithful. His timing is perfect. I just need to keep trusting that He knows what He is doing with us. Even in October.