I Almost Gave Up

I have been considering shutting down the old blog lately – I mean, really?  Who wants to read about my life now-a-days:

“Dear Blog,

I went to work … again … and was tired … and cleaned up my house and tried to cook dinner … and adjusted my calendar to fit in another appointment for something that needs to be dealt with … and then adjusted for another unexpected glitch … and then I went to work … again.”

But then I remembered why I blog:

  • a few friends who I keep up with via my blog – and the occasional feedback that helps me to remember I’m not alone, that someone cares or that someone understands (or at least is listening, even if they don’t).
  • a way to remember what the kids did or said or what I learned or how I dealt with something.  A “journal” of my life as such.
  • and seemingly in the last few years, it has been the record of God’s provision despite consequences and decisions and just life’s crazy journey.

And so, for today, I will continue to write down my stories:

I think back to last Friday when I got to spend 24 hours without any obligations or responsibilities weighing me down!  I ran away to meet an old friend for a girls’ get-away and her birthday “celebration”.  It reminded me of the thing I need despite stating adamantly that I don’t:  the friendship of another woman.

I think too of my friends from phases of life – my “childhood” friends who got me through college and early marriage … my “Army” friends who were there for me for deployment and moving and all the military mandatory-fun … and my “adult” friends who have stuck with me through the last few years of good times and bad.  And in many cases, those classes of friends overlap.

Anyway, this friend, who I just saw, has been in my life since probably 2002.  She’s been there through the happiness, the transitions, the losses, and some major life-changers … and she understands me without explanation or justification.  I really needed that time with her – more than I realized.

Lots of happy reflections as I drove home last Saturday afternoon … refreshed.  A rainbow welcomed me back to NW Arkansas:

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Also, on the way home last Saturday afternoon, I stopped half-way and bought a top at the mall that my friend had said would suit me when we were at the chain store together earlier in the day:  I wore it to work on Monday and was glad that my friend also happens to have a great eye for style!  😉

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(PS  I am not a fan of selfies … but I am also determined to remember what I looked like once upon a time!!)

And so … back to the old grind … and the people who motivate (and cause) me to do what I do every day:

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And yes, back to REALITY … and believe me, it hit pretty hard and fast:

The transmission in my van went out on Tuesday/Wednesday.  Or at least I thought that’s what it was.  So, today, we got it into the shop … and sure enough- my transmission is not just worn out but damaged badly and because my van is all-wheel drive, that makes things even more complicated.  And frankly, I’m not even surprised any more … I was a little hopeful it wouldn’t be SO bad, but as per usual, the reality of it is what it is.

The dilemma, of course, is do we invest the money to re-build the transmission??  (You can only begin to imagine what this is costing!!!)  In the end, we can’t buy a decent replacement for what it costs to rebuild and we can’t afford car payments, so we’re going ahead.  PRAYING for provision – that daily bread – yet again.

And actually, it came to my husband in the early hours of this morning as he lay worrying and praying about things … that we actually have some savings bonds from back in the Army days that we can cash in!  I went to the bank today to do just that – and guess what?!  Savings bonds gain a little interest over time!   Unexpected bonus.

I don’t even dare say it – but maybe, just maybe, things will finally start looking up for us financially some day soon?!  But despite set-backs, God does provide:  a co-worker let me use her vehicle yesterday to come home on my lunch break – and my girls saw her car and thought we’d experienced a miracle – a NEW CAR!!??!!  but really, it was a small sign that God’s looking out for us through His people – as this co-worker is a believer.

Tonight there is a GIANT, fancy pick-up truck sitting in our drive-way that belongs to a pharmacist that I work for; his family is out of town this weekend, so he just gave me the use of his truck while they are gone.  Again, he is a Christian – and he just said, “This is what we are called to do.”

So, while I am a little discouraged at the set-backs, I think my faith continues to be a little stronger because these BiG problems are never really too BIG for my BIG God.

And to remember this is why I blog.  To record that GOD PROVIDES our needs.  And so much more.

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6 Responses to I Almost Gave Up

  1. Rebecca D says:

    Do.Not.Quit!!!! 😀 Seriously, I may not get over here to catch up daily like I used to but I love reading your posts! Keep at it and keep them as real as you usually do… You inspire me!

  2. angiemart says:

    Amen! Thankful for the body of Christ.

  3. Tanya says:

    As you know, i am here “listening,” too. I am always encouraged to read what you have to say and love hearing the stories of God’s provision (even if it isn’t the exact provision we might have in mind). I am so glad to hear about your great weekend (I sure could use something like that, too!!). BTW, love the top, and you look sooooo good!

  4. babstig says:

    Please don’t stop blogging! Love your blogs! Miss you. I was thinking I need “woman” friendship and then I think…I don’t want more friends and possible drama. Lol I am praying for whatever friend ?god would like me to have but currently I do not mind not having any. Crazy huh? Love you!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

  5. Amy says:

    I’m here, and I missed you! My life has been a bit crazy with Emily’s wedding coming up (TOMORROW!), but I enjoy keeping up with you and hope we can see each other again one of these days….even if it’s just a quick lunch while you’re passing through!
    Love you and yours, and love how God always provides for our needs. Hope your car woes are a distant memory soon!

  6. melanie says:

    To be perfectly honest, this post just made me tear up! So thankful with you for God’s provision of good friends far and near – and those who have shown Christ’s love in a practical way.

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