In Remembrance:

As I enter my mid-40’s, I am far more aware of my parents’ ages as well.  I’m so thankful my mom and dad are doing well.  They take good care of themselves and try to stay active and involved.

Over time, a few of my friends have lost their parents or gone through serious health crises with them.  It is hard to think of those people who we knew so well at the ages we are now to be getting “older” … but time moves sometimes without our notice until we are hit hard with someone’s illness or death.

Both my parents and my husband’s have discussed some of the things they are doing now to prepare for when they are gone … although we are definitely in no hurry to have to implement those plans!

As many of you know, my biological father is German; he and my mother separated and divorced when I was 2 or 3 years old.  I visited him every summer as a child and saw him often when we were stationed in Germany.  It was a blessing that he was there to meet his first grandson, born in 1998.  We left Germany in January 1999.

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We saw my father 2 more times …. once when he visited us in Missouri, I think, in 2006 and again when Andrew and I went to Germany in 2012.  He has always sent a post card a few times a year since then and transferred money for the kids once or twice a year.

Last Fall, we didn’t get our usual money gift … nor my birthday/Christmas card.  In January, my aunt (his sister) emailed me and asked if I’d heard from my father recently, which, of course, I hadn’t.  She hadn’t either.  I had thought about it so much, in fact, that I dreamed about my father during that time a lot.

Today my aunt called to confirm that my father has passed away.  In fact, he died on September 30, 2016.   Because he spent much of his time once he retired in Cambodia and in Southeast Asia, that is where he died.  It took some researching by the German consulate in Cambodia to get the facts, and many questions still remain unanswered at this time.

While we obviously didn’t have a “normal” relationship, my father was still always very good to me over the years.  He introduced me to Amsterdam and Paris when I was a teenager; he spent almost every evening with me when I was staying with my grandparents in Germany during my childhood, playing games or riding bicycles or going to the pool.  When I grew up and married, he always wanted to know how the kids were doing and wanted me to send along pictures occasionally even though he was unable to see my children.  In fact, he never met Mimsy.

In some ways it is very surreal to think I’ve lost a parent … there was no funeral and there are not final formalities to take care of as there is no inheritance and no property to disperse.  He just no longer is …

And so, I am still processing.  I am sad, sure, but it is just not quite real yet, maybe.  Perhaps I don’t want to think about it too much because I did not know the condition of his soul.  He was an agnostic at best.  He knew about Jesus but didn’t necessarily believe Him to be the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  At least not the last time I talked to him …

In any case, I am now among those who have lost one of their parents.  One thing I definitely feel today is OLDER …

I am thankful God chose this man to be my father.  I am thankful for good memories of him.  I will hold those things close in the days ahead.

It is hard to say Good-bye when you know you’ll never say Hello again … 

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5 Responses to In Remembrance:

  1. Rebekah says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this news. Losing a parent is hard no matter the circumstance. Love, hugs and prayers from Japan my friend.

  2. Tanya says:

    Oh, I am sooooo sorry! I will be praying for you. 😥

  3. melanie says:

    So sorry, my friend. The loss is so hard when you know your loved one did not have faith in Christ. {{hugs}}

  4. Amy says:

    So sorry to hear this. Saying a prayer for you.

  5. angiemart says:

    I’m sorry you lost your father. I lost my Dad in 2016. No matter the type of relationship, a parental loss will always make an impact. My thoughts are with you.

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