Do you ever come to yourself and realize how shallow you really are (-or it that just me)??! You finally see that the things you worry about are all such a waste of time in God’s perspective. I’ve recently spent too many hours hashing and re-hashing our budget, worrying about how we’re going to ever get ahead and how we can afford to do this and that and the other (college, housing, etc) … and I blame Dave Ramsey entirely for the pressure to make our budget right … but I also know if God can take care of sparrows and lilies, He will take care of us. (and hadn’t HE proved that over and over!!?)
It might not just be the financial security I am mulling about, I look at other people our age, our former peers and neighbors and family, and I realize they started out a long time ago, making the right choices. This is because I compare my story to others’ stories far too often – God’s path is individualized. Granted, we too thought we were making “right” choices all along the way – and no regrets about the career path – but we could have made BETTER financial choices. Now, of course, we can’t go back.
Today I got a text that a father of one of the 8th graders at our kids’ school had passed away from a heart attack this morning. This happened a few months ago when a family friend – a young man of 31 – passed away suddenly as well. Don’t those things just stop you in your tracks and make you realize what IS important?!
I spent my days hoping for a time when we’ll finally be debt free and able to do more things that I want to do (#1 on the list is GO TO GERMANY!!!) or have a reliable vehicle or live securely without having to worry about moving (but after all the moving I have done, will I ever really be able to plant roots?!!).
I think about turning 50 “in a few years” … and I think how much I haven’t accomplished. I want to write and home-make and travel and do things with my children … but they are growing up! Fast! Time isn’t slowing down … but isn’t time on this earth fleeting anyway??! What will it all matter when we get to Heaven – for ETERNITY!
I forget to think about TODAY – what I can do in the now. While a day trip to visit a college in a near-by town with my son doesn’t sound as exciting as traveling to a foreign land with him, it was a fun day. I am thankful for that day.
I have a decent job – for the most part, I have very little stress, and I’ve been able to position myself where I never again have to feel the pressures that I did in my last job (probably more self-inflicted, but if I didn’t accomplish things I needed to, no one would have!). And yet, I gripe about the time away from home, away from my own pursuits instead of being thankful.
I want to push my husband to get a better paying job because he “deserves it” … and he, of course, wants to advance, but his time table and mine are so polarly opposite. He is methodical and steady – and I am frantic and pushy! Yes, he had a job interview yesterday … and it went OK … but he has not used modern business applications in a long, long time now and may not be suited for this job, despite all the ways it seems PERFECT financially. If he isn’t happy there, then I have to remember it isn’t worth it.
I want my children to succeed. This is one of my downfalls with Facebook … people’s children are out there with amazing opportunities in sports, travel, education, and outside activities (theater, art, etc) … and my kids are fairly ordinary in comparison. They come by it naturally (hence the name of my blog – the ORDINARY Hausfrau!). They are INCREDIBLY SPECIAL, talented, smart, and have wonderful character IN MY OPINION. But comparatively, they haven’t done much to have great success in this world – or even in their own local environment.
And I’m not even saying success is a bad thing … It just isn’t the main thing. And that’s what I’m forgetting sometimes. I feel a little like we not “normal.” And then I think about what I recently told my daughter when some of the girls in her class were teasing her about liking old fashioned TV shows and not wanting to get into the vampire/zombie shows and movies that are so prevalent now: I told Annie-Belle that THOSE GIRLS DO NOT GET TO DEFINE WHAT IS “NORMAL”. They do not have the authority over her to tell her what she should and shouldn’t be doing at her age.
Some days I just want to barricade our home and shelter my children from everything in this world that is enticing us – even from the good things like technology that is so beyond our means despite the fact that it is AMAZING! I can see the appeal of home-schooling and home-steading … although with my “black” thumb and lack of knowledge – and the fact that I really am a city girl – I think I’d kill all our crops and livestock. And I don’t know how to cook or sew very well, so we’d probably not last too long – plus I’m not sure I could find a recipe to make Oreo cookies from scratch and so I’d be doomed to go to Target “for supplies” far too often!! ;)
In the end, I am thankful today that God loves me and gently prods me along despite my coveteousness and worries and wrong perspective. I’m thankful for my husband and kids are PERFECTLY NORMAL to me, if not to anyone else in the entire planet! I’m thankful for friends – who are diverse in where they live and how they live and what they value – but who accept me with all my craziness. I’m thankful for this little blog outlet to process these things out loud.
Today – I am reminding myself – yet again – to be thankful for the LITTLE THINGS and ENJOY TODAY.