It has been 11 months since I last posted here. I often “write” blog posts in my head, and I’ve been blogging some on my other page: Klein Bisschen German although I am not consistent over there either. Life and work and kids and exhaustion all get in the way.
Recently, I was thinking about a friend’s Facebook page – she always has a “word of the year” which she shares in January. I am not one to jump on board with those kind of things (even though I think it is a GREAT idea!) because I usually end up falling off the bandwagon of remembering my “word” and then it becomes irrelevant. That’s the same reason I don’t make New Years’ resolutions. I have commitment issues!
But today, for some reason, I was considering that I really do need to change my focus. I tend to be sarcastic, negative, and kind of glum. I don’t expect things to work out because they generally don’t (see what I mean about glum!). I believe 100% that God is in control of my life and all things, but I also know He doesn’t always #bless us with material things – so many of His #blessings are things we can not see.
So, my word for at least this moment that I am choosing to dwell on for as long as it lasts is DELIGHT. I don’t know why it struck me – but I realized I don’t delight in much these days, nor have in the past few years. I mean, my children are great, and I am thankful for them – but they sure create a lot of work, things I need to take care of, and sometimes just a little bit of worry that they will just be okay. Same goes for my husband. If you know Dan, you know he’s a GREAT person, probably one of the kindest people you’ll ever meet … but again, the demands of making a marriage work and taking care of daily business together is hard work.
I decided that I need work on delighting in my life – the little things – and particularly in the LORD:
I really have never liked this verse, but I think I didn’t understand this verse. After all, haven’t I pursued a life of wanting to please God?? Ever since I was a child and accepted Him into my life, I have only ever wanted to follow Him, even when things weren’t going so well – I trusted He was Who He said He was. I trusted He’d keep His promises – to meet my needs, for example. But never to give me the “desires of my heart”.
Or when God did finally give me a “desire of my heart” – a child, for example, I always felt like it wasn’t my timing so I was kind of dependent on Him making the “decisions” so to speak. I never had the “privilege” of stating, “Let’s have a baby!” and then getting pregnant. It was always a struggle, doctor appointments, medication, waiting, testing, lab appointments, more medication, more appointments … and then it seemed like God finally consented to give in to my “desire” for a baby. I know I’m probably disillusioned, and I’m thankful to even have children … but nothing ever came easy. Not marriage, not jobs, not plans we made or dreams we had. A lot has been accomplished by good old fashioned hard work – with God’s strength OF COURSE.
And yet … I think I got it all wrong all along. The verse after Psalm 37:4 says,
Commit your way … TRUST in Him … then He’ll bring it pass. What is *it*? Other versions say He will “act” or He will “help you”. If we are trusting, if we are committed to Him, He WILL act. And we will be delighted! Just as I was delighted to finally have a child after almost 6 years of marriage and 2+ years of trying to have a baby. The delay didn’t matter any more … my baby was here.
There are many things on the daily that are definitely not delightful: getting up every morning and having to trudge out to work instead of staying home. Not being able to home-school my children like I’d love to do again. Carrying the burden not only of being a part of providing for my family but also having to deal with a secular job that is by no means for the meek and mild … or the unorganized or the one who really doesn’t enjoy confrontation.
But in each of the above not so delightful scenarios, I can delight in the small facts that keep me going: my boss is a Christian, who is very supportive of me taking time off when I need to for my kids. My co-workers are – for the most part – supportive, and I consider each one a friend. My job isn’t always pleasant, and it can get stressful – but it isn’t the worst job I’ve ever had. Sometimes one of our patients/customers will send a little thank you note or call back and thank us for helping them … THAT is delightful.
Life isn’t about getting everything you wanted, nor does God promise to meet all our expectations. He just promises to be with us as we journey together … He promises to work on our behalf – and He sends small (and sometimes LARGE) signs of His love just when we need them. And in the end, if we have GOD, we have EVERYTHING. The rest is just a bonus.